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So I would ping him occasionally, just enough to pique his interest and dangle the carrot of a possible relationship without ever actually following through with plans.

To use a sports metaphor (my first ever), he would be on the roster but not in play; I’d decided to bench him.

In a city where you can run into the guy who Gchat-dumped you or the jerk who ghosted after two months of dating, benching passes the sidewalk-run-in test exquisitely.If I know that I’m in a position of status because you want me more than I want you, I’ll just keep you dangling. But if we’re to be honest, benching is just the slow kiss-off.Know that if it’s happening to you, you’re getting dumped, even if the bencher doesn’t know it yet.“If I were ever to bump into somebody that I’ve benched,” says Billy, “I’d have nothing to feel bad about.I would put on a smiling face and say hello and ask how he was doing, and he’d have no reason to do anything but the same.” The bencher can walk around feeling like his karmic balance is fully in equilibrium — what’s the worst thing someone can say about him?

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